have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
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If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
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I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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