Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
