Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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