i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Im part way to drunk.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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