Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
