He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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