We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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