She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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