At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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