I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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