Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I puked a lego.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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