NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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