how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
