our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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