You just made me feel so damn special
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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