U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??