I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight