i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
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your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
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I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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