Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question