I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
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He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
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I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.