you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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