I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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