I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
