this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
