If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
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