I cannot find my penis.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
