So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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