All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
