When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
