I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
