Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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