non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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