M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
