I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
