Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
