She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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