Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize