my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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