so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
