My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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