I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Randomize
