Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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