I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
