I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
