I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
