therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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