Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
