our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
