Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
