OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
