Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
