I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
