do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
