drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
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I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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