i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
