shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
