bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
