Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
