I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
