U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
