I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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