i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
