How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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