She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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