im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Randomize
